When I write about sex, it is obviously for the benefit of our relationships and families. But at the back of my mind, I am aware that it will take more than sex education to fix a crumbling relationship. Sure. When you hear therapists and marriage councilors talk about spicing up your relationships, they are assuming- just like I do- that every other necessary structure that will enable this spicing is already in place. But in the real world, we know that is not always the case.As you know, long term relationships are characterized by couples who barely tolerate each other. People who have been in such relationships describe it as living under the same roof with a total stranger. You share the same space but mentally, you are in different worlds. Sadly, that is very common and not at all unusual. It is a human condition.
Fixing your relationship is something that will require all of your own effort- and perhaps a little prompting from any relationship councilor or better still, my humble self. We will be talking about the conditions that need to be in place for great long term sex and romance to flourish. Friendship comes first. If you are always fighting with your partner, it is difficult to be sexual with one another. If for instance, a woman feels maltreated or neglected in a relationship, she is not going to be in the mood for sex- at least not with her official lover. In the same vein, if a man is feeling overly criticized and unappreciated, he cannot be in a loving mood. There is something I try to practice with my woman. If she pisses me off, I let her know. I am never the kind of person to carry a grudge. It poisons me. If I am not happy about something, I make it known and the very process of voicing it lifts half of the burden; the whole idea being to resolve the conflict immediately. Because I am aware of the benefits of speaking out, I try to initiate a dialogue aimed at conflict resolution whenever I notice that she is moody. It might take a little while for her to talk but eventually, she voices her cause of misery and if I am wrong, I try to apologize. Surely, it is not every issue in a relationship that can be easily resolved. My point however is that if you both make an effort to talk about grievances, your successes will be greater than your failures.
I am not a dating/relationship guru, but you don’t have to be one in order to succeed in a relationship. You just need to pay attention and learn to read others. Aspire to be a source of joy to the people in your life and not misery. Admit wrong doing if you are guilty and apologize. If you are upset about anything, speak up. When I was a kid, my mother used to say, ‘never let the sun set on your anger’. She has no idea how this has helped me in my life. I have come to realize that couples who don’t talk and resolve conflicts immediately, usually feud to a point where they have no idea what the cause of the problem is anymore. If you are observant, you will notice that most of our parents have this problem. They always had these useless and endless arguments over nothing which just made every other person around miserable. That is what happens when you let grievances pile up. So, aspire to maintain your friendship and fondness for one another, and every thing else will fall in place. Being friends means a lot of things but it also means acknowledging the fact that you are different people and therefore, you will not always agree on everything and that’s okay. You don’t have to agree on everything. You are not twins. Sometimes, allow things to be done your partner’s way. A relationship is not a competition and if you are the type that takes pride in always being right, you are creating a major problem for your relationship. Always remember that for you to always be right, your partner must always be wrong. Trust me, being wrong all the time is a terrible feeling for anybody and a major cause of discord. Even if you are the smartest genius to ever work the earth, you should be smart enough to know that no human being can be wrong all the time and that sometimes, you need to make your partner feel right. That way, he or she will be reassured that they are also contributing positively to your relationship. Nobody wants to be in a relationship with someone who is always right. Nobody.
Now, let us shift focus to the second part of this article which is sexual generosity. Sexual generosity is a major relationship builder. If couples were devoted to each other’s sexual happiness, the world will be a much better place and fewer relationships will be failing. Deliberately depriving your spouse or partner of sex or the joy of exploration will do nothing but ruin your relationship, and a lot of people are stuck in ruined relationships. If your partner makes a request or wants to try something new, think about it before rejecting the idea. Ask yourself questions like, ‘If I try it, what do I have to loose? If I try it, will it hurt me or my relationship? What if I try it and it turns out to be the most amazing thing yet? You never know. Generally speaking, women are the least adventurous when it comes to trying new things, which creates lots of problems in relationships. By adventurous, I am not talking about having sex in a church or on a railway track. But for crying out loud, don’t expect that you can have an exciting and mutually satisfying relationship by doing the same things over and over again.
In conclusion, sexual generosity just implies mutual commitment towards each other’s sexual happiness. There is something people don’t often realize. When your partner suggests that you try something new- maybe a new sexual position, a sex toy or whatever- and you are willing, deep within him or her, the feeling of being loved and cared for multiplies. The significance of your willingness to try that new thing goes beyond your sense of adventure. More than anything else, it is an indication of your commitment to the relationship. It is a sign that you care about your partner. By being willing, you make your partner feel validated and wanted. You make them feel like they can trust you with their most private selves. Always remember that it is not easy for anybody to request something new. Deep within each person is a fear of rejection and being judged. Be sensitive when you respond to a partner’s request and avoid criticism. Your reactions have huge psychological effects on your partner. Most of all, always remember that the success of your relationship lies in your willingness to periodically reinvent your sex life. When an invitation to do something different comes up, give a try at least once, if it does not endanger your life or relationship. If you give it your best and you still do not enjoy it, your partner will still appreciate you for trying. That is all that is required from anybody in a relationship. The willingness to try.
Excel in your relationship..
Morgan.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Sunday, May 18, 2008
IS SEX EDUCATION IMPORTANT?
The answer to this question might seem obvious, but our general response to sex speaks otherwise. We all agree that education is important. Of course. When you turn on the radio, you always hear about the need to use a condom and be accepting of people living with HIV and AIDS. Sure. But talk is cheap. When it comes to action, we are generally not supportive of sex education in this country. It is true. Even the government in its bid to curb the spread of HIV, still pay little attention to sex education. They can see people dying of AIDS everyday. They sound as if they really care when the cameras are on them. But when it comes right down to making strong and palpable commitments towards the eradication of sexual illiteracy in this country, they chicken out. What a mess. What are we so afraid of? Everybody has sex. Human beings are sexual beings. Big deal!
My generation will do things differently. Our parents told us lies about sex and they thought they were helping us. But they weren’t. They never taught us a single thing about sex. They never even talked about it. From broken marriages of today to sexual diseases and abuse of sorts, we are the ones suffering from the education parents never gave. That’s fantastic isn’t it? Now the media is doing the same thing. The move to ensure that nobody gets educated is systematically being fostered by the media. But we must resist this sickening attitude. We will scream from the roof tops if we have to but sex education is a must.
WHAT DOES SEX EDUCATION ENTAIL?
The acquisition of vital sexual information is a very simple process. The books and films that you need are out there. We NEED them. Books and movies on every imaginable sexual subject have been written by concerned professionals and entertainers overseas. That is what I love about the west. They take nothing for granted and they value the lives of their people. If Americans were experiencing the kind of AIDS epidemic witnessed in Africa today, by now they would have declared a state of emergency in their country. Their government would be going from house to house giving away boxes of condoms. Infact by now, their government would have put out a law saying that it is illegal and criminal to have sex without a condom. Yes they will. That is how seriously they take human life over there. But here, if you mention the word sex, people will look at you as if you are some kind of devilish human being. Yet, these same people are all having sex.
THE BENEFITS OF SEX EDUCATION
When you educate yourself through books and films, there is hardly any kind of sexual problem or challenge that you cannot face. Whether you are worried about early ejaculation or the fact that you have never had an orgasm before, there are books written just for that. If it is sex positions that you want to learn about, there are tons of books on that as well. There are books on relationships, sex positions, sex games, organ enlargement, sex toys, how to be a better lover, safe sex, sexual ailments, sex therapy etc. The choice is yours. You should see my own personal library. I just love knowledge. It is an amazing asset. With sex education, we can:
1. Protect ourselves from all kinds of diseases.
2. Acquire information that will aid our sexual satisfaction and the success of our marriages and relationships.
3. Understand our bodies better and get to know what works for us and how to achieve it.
4. Prolong sex for mutual benefit.
5. Keep sex interesting for as long as we live.
6. Be better lovers.
7. Understand different sexual dysfunctions, illnesses and their solutions.
And so on.
There is no end to what we can gain from educating ourselves. We have nothing to loose by acquiring relevant sexual information. We prefer television to reading. But I believe that the more we talk about the importance of education, people will gradually begin to build up their libraries and it is happening already. I believe it will continue and gradually become a cultural movement for our benefit.
Talk to you again…
Morgan.
My generation will do things differently. Our parents told us lies about sex and they thought they were helping us. But they weren’t. They never taught us a single thing about sex. They never even talked about it. From broken marriages of today to sexual diseases and abuse of sorts, we are the ones suffering from the education parents never gave. That’s fantastic isn’t it? Now the media is doing the same thing. The move to ensure that nobody gets educated is systematically being fostered by the media. But we must resist this sickening attitude. We will scream from the roof tops if we have to but sex education is a must.
WHAT DOES SEX EDUCATION ENTAIL?
The acquisition of vital sexual information is a very simple process. The books and films that you need are out there. We NEED them. Books and movies on every imaginable sexual subject have been written by concerned professionals and entertainers overseas. That is what I love about the west. They take nothing for granted and they value the lives of their people. If Americans were experiencing the kind of AIDS epidemic witnessed in Africa today, by now they would have declared a state of emergency in their country. Their government would be going from house to house giving away boxes of condoms. Infact by now, their government would have put out a law saying that it is illegal and criminal to have sex without a condom. Yes they will. That is how seriously they take human life over there. But here, if you mention the word sex, people will look at you as if you are some kind of devilish human being. Yet, these same people are all having sex.
THE BENEFITS OF SEX EDUCATION
When you educate yourself through books and films, there is hardly any kind of sexual problem or challenge that you cannot face. Whether you are worried about early ejaculation or the fact that you have never had an orgasm before, there are books written just for that. If it is sex positions that you want to learn about, there are tons of books on that as well. There are books on relationships, sex positions, sex games, organ enlargement, sex toys, how to be a better lover, safe sex, sexual ailments, sex therapy etc. The choice is yours. You should see my own personal library. I just love knowledge. It is an amazing asset. With sex education, we can:
1. Protect ourselves from all kinds of diseases.
2. Acquire information that will aid our sexual satisfaction and the success of our marriages and relationships.
3. Understand our bodies better and get to know what works for us and how to achieve it.
4. Prolong sex for mutual benefit.
5. Keep sex interesting for as long as we live.
6. Be better lovers.
7. Understand different sexual dysfunctions, illnesses and their solutions.
And so on.
There is no end to what we can gain from educating ourselves. We have nothing to loose by acquiring relevant sexual information. We prefer television to reading. But I believe that the more we talk about the importance of education, people will gradually begin to build up their libraries and it is happening already. I believe it will continue and gradually become a cultural movement for our benefit.
Talk to you again…
Morgan.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
CAUSES OF BREAST TENDERNES
Description
Breast tenderness can be caused by a number of factors. This article addresses some of those factors as well as remedies to help relieve the pain.
CAUSES OF BREAST TENDERNESS
Some causes for sore breasts are:
1. PMS. Many women suffer from sore breasts when suffering from pre-menstrual syndrome, often starting a full week before the period begins. Some women find relief once their period starts, other women continue to suffer pain throughout their menstrual cycle.
2. Fibrocystic breast disease.
3. Hormone Therapy. This is generally estrogen therapy given to women going through menopause.
4. The birth control pill.Some women find that birth control relieves their breast tenderness, for some women it is worse. Generally the birth control is prescribed to help the symptoms of breast tenderness associated with fibrocystic breast disease. If you are on birth control and have breast tenderness, check with your doctor to see if there is a different pill you can take. 5. Pregnancy. It is common for women to experience intense breast tenderness and swelling in pregnancy, especially during the first trimester. When seeking relief, stick with the more natural remedies, but check with your doctor before taking any pain killers.
SYMPTOM RELIEF
There are a few things you can do to relive the discomfort of tenderness and swelling of the breasts.
• Wear good breast support. Make sure to wear a good bra with support. Not wearing a bra can make breast tenderness worse, regardless of breast size. This is especially important during exercise. Bras/support will help to make breasts feel contained, helping to minimize soreness.
• Exercise. Sometimes just getting outside and moving around can help to relieve breast pain. Making exercise a regular part of your daily regimen, can help to relieve many symptoms of PMS.
• Hot or cold treatments. Some women feel better icing their breasts to relieve the pain. Others say heat and hot pads make a difference. Try them out and see which is best for you.
• Ibuprofen. Taking a pain reliever right before your period can make a difference in relieving cramps, breast pain and swelling. However, it is not recommended to take a pain reliever regularly, so limit it to key times of the month. Note, that ibuprofen should not be taken if you are pregnant.
• Change hormones.Check with your doctor about changing your birth control pill or your hormone replacement therapy if this applies to your situation.
• Visualization and breath-work. Imagining your breasts in a weightless state, in warm gentle heat or something like that helps many women minimize the breast pain. Deep breath work can help too.
DIET AND BREAST TENDERNESS
There is no doubt that diet makes a difference for breast pain. Some foods are known to trigger pain for some women and not others. Review this list of key suspects, and try eliminating one at a time to see if your symptoms improve.
• Salt. Too much salt and sodium is known to make breast tenderness worse. This leads to additional water-retention and swelling which then leads to additional breast pain. Try to eliminate high sodium foods from your diet at least a week before your cycle begins.
• Fat. Studies have shown that women who limit high fat foods in their diet have a serious decrease in breast pain. Eliminating heavy fats and animal products can lend to greater overall health which should help to minimize all PMS symptoms.
• Sugar. For many people sugar contributes to breast tenderness and to the 'rooted' feel that breasts often get the week before menstruation begins.
• Caffeine. Many women complain that caffeine can make breast tenderness worse. In fact, caffeine generally contributes to breast lumpiness at any time of the month. It is especially recommended to avoid caffeine all month round if you have lumpy breasts, and for the week leading up to your period if you only have breast pain.
• Move excess fluid from the body. It is important to drink lots of water to help remove the excess fluid from your body. And it is also helpful to take a natural diuretic to help the body flush excess water out.
• Add B, E and A vitamins. Studies suggest that taking a multi can help with PMS symptoms and thus breast tenderness. There is a likely a link between the intake of the B-6 vitamin and body's ability to metabolize estrogen.
Breast tenderness can be caused by a number of factors. This article addresses some of those factors as well as remedies to help relieve the pain.
CAUSES OF BREAST TENDERNESS
Some causes for sore breasts are:
1. PMS. Many women suffer from sore breasts when suffering from pre-menstrual syndrome, often starting a full week before the period begins. Some women find relief once their period starts, other women continue to suffer pain throughout their menstrual cycle.
2. Fibrocystic breast disease.
3. Hormone Therapy. This is generally estrogen therapy given to women going through menopause.
4. The birth control pill.Some women find that birth control relieves their breast tenderness, for some women it is worse. Generally the birth control is prescribed to help the symptoms of breast tenderness associated with fibrocystic breast disease. If you are on birth control and have breast tenderness, check with your doctor to see if there is a different pill you can take. 5. Pregnancy. It is common for women to experience intense breast tenderness and swelling in pregnancy, especially during the first trimester. When seeking relief, stick with the more natural remedies, but check with your doctor before taking any pain killers.
SYMPTOM RELIEF
There are a few things you can do to relive the discomfort of tenderness and swelling of the breasts.
• Wear good breast support. Make sure to wear a good bra with support. Not wearing a bra can make breast tenderness worse, regardless of breast size. This is especially important during exercise. Bras/support will help to make breasts feel contained, helping to minimize soreness.
• Exercise. Sometimes just getting outside and moving around can help to relieve breast pain. Making exercise a regular part of your daily regimen, can help to relieve many symptoms of PMS.
• Hot or cold treatments. Some women feel better icing their breasts to relieve the pain. Others say heat and hot pads make a difference. Try them out and see which is best for you.
• Ibuprofen. Taking a pain reliever right before your period can make a difference in relieving cramps, breast pain and swelling. However, it is not recommended to take a pain reliever regularly, so limit it to key times of the month. Note, that ibuprofen should not be taken if you are pregnant.
• Change hormones.Check with your doctor about changing your birth control pill or your hormone replacement therapy if this applies to your situation.
• Visualization and breath-work. Imagining your breasts in a weightless state, in warm gentle heat or something like that helps many women minimize the breast pain. Deep breath work can help too.
DIET AND BREAST TENDERNESS
There is no doubt that diet makes a difference for breast pain. Some foods are known to trigger pain for some women and not others. Review this list of key suspects, and try eliminating one at a time to see if your symptoms improve.
• Salt. Too much salt and sodium is known to make breast tenderness worse. This leads to additional water-retention and swelling which then leads to additional breast pain. Try to eliminate high sodium foods from your diet at least a week before your cycle begins.
• Fat. Studies have shown that women who limit high fat foods in their diet have a serious decrease in breast pain. Eliminating heavy fats and animal products can lend to greater overall health which should help to minimize all PMS symptoms.
• Sugar. For many people sugar contributes to breast tenderness and to the 'rooted' feel that breasts often get the week before menstruation begins.
• Caffeine. Many women complain that caffeine can make breast tenderness worse. In fact, caffeine generally contributes to breast lumpiness at any time of the month. It is especially recommended to avoid caffeine all month round if you have lumpy breasts, and for the week leading up to your period if you only have breast pain.
• Move excess fluid from the body. It is important to drink lots of water to help remove the excess fluid from your body. And it is also helpful to take a natural diuretic to help the body flush excess water out.
• Add B, E and A vitamins. Studies suggest that taking a multi can help with PMS symptoms and thus breast tenderness. There is a likely a link between the intake of the B-6 vitamin and body's ability to metabolize estrogen.
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